Story Time: I Pooped in the Mall!



…Can we talk? I feel like we can talk. I’ve known you guys for weeks now, so I think it’s okay to tell you about the bad and unfortunate thing that happened to me. So, Mommy and Grandma took me with them to the mall because they needed to stop in just one shop and obviously, you never leave a dog alone in the car.

Seriously. Don’t leave dogs in cars. The weather might kill them and someone might steal them, so just don’t.

Anyway. Mommy carried me because that’s just easiest when you’re trying to rush in really quick and not draw too much attention to the fact that you’re smuggling a dog into a shopping mall. The escalator was fun. Wheee!. Next, I began to whine near some shop that I know for factsies sells cookies that don’t have chocolate in them. Granny Smith’s? Mrs Smiths? The yummy shop, I call it. So, Mommy being the well-trained human she is, sighed yet..paused to buy me some sugar cookies anyway. I’m only allowed a small bit, but she gave me some to buy herself more peace and I ate it.

Then this funny lady in the dress shop Mom stopped into, the..whole reason for being there in the first place, said the worst thing ever. She said “She’s sooo cute! Put her down and let her walk around.” Mommy hesitated, because Mommy is the smart. “Are you sure?” she asked her at least twice. The funny lady persisted…Mom hesitantly let me down onto the floor. The lady pet me, and I sniffed her politely and began strolling around to check out the latest fashion line. I like to keep current with these things as a former boutique owner my own furry self.

Some of it was cute, but I didn’t get to sniff around long, because I heard something. It was a sort of rumbling like an approaching storm, and I was alarmed. I was alarmed because a moment later, I felt something. It was like a hundred humans running for the same fire exit. It was going to happen, and I had no time! I ran toward Mommy, but she didn’t see me right away, and I couldn’t just…so I…had no choice but to..I ran under a clothing rack, and I POOPED!  No. It was more like a Tommy gun went off, because I was still circling to find the right spot when the bomb went off. I shot off the poo in a circular, projectile mess of humiliation.

I ran to Mommy, and as she bent down to pick me up. She knew. I know she knew, because she left poor Grandma just standing there holding a dress and started running. I bounced around dramatically with each hurried step Mommy took. She ran down that escalator so fast I had to close my eyes to keep my life from flashing before them. Next thing I know, we’re huddled behind a wall in the parking garage, and Mommy is frantically texting Grandma. I think it said “OMG Get out! Get out, they’ll see what she did!”.

To me, she said “Sssshh! We’ll go to jail forever!”.

In retrospect, she probably panicked a little bit, but..I pooped at the mall.

You shouldn’t poop at the mall.

Also, Mrs Field’s cookies are delicious.

If you want to see me talk (not about this!). You can find my YouTube Channel here: