Eclipse, blah, blah. Where are the aliens??
…Can we talk? I feel like we can talk. I’ve known you guys for weeks now, so I think it’s okay to tell you about the bad and unfortunate thing that happened to me. So, Mommy and Grandma took me with them to the mall because they needed to stop in just one shop and obviously, you never leave a dog alone in the car.
Seriously. Don’t leave dogs in cars. The weather might kill them and someone might steal them, so just don’t.
Anyway. Mommy carried me because that’s just easiest when you’re trying to rush in really quick and not draw too much attention to the fact that you’re smuggling a dog into a shopping mall. The escalator was fun. Wheee!. Next, I began to whine near some shop that I know for factsies sells cookies that don’t have chocolate in them. Granny Smith’s? Mrs Smiths? The yummy shop, I call it. So, Mommy being the well-trained human she is, sighed yet..paused to buy me some sugar cookies anyway. I’m only allowed a small bit, but she gave me some to buy herself more peace and I ate it.
Then this funny lady in the dress shop Mom stopped into, the..whole reason for being there in the first place, said the worst thing ever. She said “She’s sooo cute! Put her down and let her walk around.” Mommy hesitated, because Mommy is the smart. “Are you sure?” she asked her at least twice. The funny lady persisted…Mom hesitantly let me down onto the floor. The lady pet me, and I sniffed her politely and began strolling around to check out the latest fashion line. I like to keep current with these things as a former boutique owner my own furry self.
Some of it was cute, but I didn’t get to sniff around long, because I heard something. It was a sort of rumbling like an approaching storm, and I was alarmed. I was alarmed because a moment later, I felt something. It was like a hundred humans running for the same fire exit. It was going to happen, and I had no time! I ran toward Mommy, but she didn’t see me right away, and I couldn’t just…so I…had no choice but to..I ran under a clothing rack, and I POOPED! No. It was more like a Tommy gun went off, because I was still circling to find the right spot when the bomb went off. I shot off the poo in a circular, projectile mess of humiliation.
I ran to Mommy, and as she bent down to pick me up. She knew. I know she knew, because she left poor Grandma just standing there holding a dress and started running. I bounced around dramatically with each hurried step Mommy took. She ran down that escalator so fast I had to close my eyes to keep my life from flashing before them. Next thing I know, we’re huddled behind a wall in the parking garage, and Mommy is frantically texting Grandma. I think it said “OMG Get out! Get out, they’ll see what she did!”.
To me, she said “Sssshh! We’ll go to jail forever!”.
In retrospect, she probably panicked a little bit, but..I pooped at the mall.
You shouldn’t poop at the mall.
Also, Mrs Field’s cookies are delicious.
If you want to see me talk (not about this!). You can find my YouTube Channel here:
I was sold like mittens!
I was bought online like a pair of mittens, Guys! Mommy doesn’t like to talk about it because she says her rescue friends would kill her til she died, but they wouldn’t hurt a hair on my cute little butt, so I’ll spill the beans.
Sometimes, when a boy loves a girl, he buys her presents. Everyone loves presents, especially a puppy, but also, some people make puppies in a barn, and that’s bad.
So, one day, he sent Mom to the airport to pick up a package, and surprise! It was meee!
Mommy says this is why I have to be an ambassa..err..she says it’s important we speak up for the puppies.
Do you like my song about rescues?
With my touching story of how I got to this place done, it’s time to get to the ‘portant stuff. As I pound away on this pink, plastic toy computer the neighbor’s kid left on our lawn, the humans are outside dumping some sort of poo on the flowers, so now’s my chance, and I’m takin it like the last cookie.
Speaking of cookies, they hide them! They keep them in the cubby up high, and I am beginning to think it’s on purpose. They know I can’t reach up there. Report them. This cannot stand, and neither can I, or at least not high enough to grab the handles. I bribed my Chihuahua brother Jax to jump as high as he could, and even he could not reach. It’s an outrage, and I’m guessing it’s illegal to conceal cookies, so please send a message to the umm..ASP..er the AC..to the ones who make laws for furry citizens! Tell them this can’t go on. It is both cruel and usual!
Also, if any of you know “Lawyer Dog” from the internets, please have him call me because I’m pretty sure I have a strong case against the company that makes dog beds. I was minding my own little business the other day, and it just exploded. White, fluffy stuff everywhere! I’m probably lucky I didn’t lose my tail. As if that wasn’t traumatic enough, the Grandma human didn’t belieeef me! She scolded me for making a mess and told me I was a “Little booger”. I’m innocent! Innocent! How many more innocent dogs will be framed before the truth is told? There is clearly some major defect that is causing dog beds to spontaneously burst. I’ve seen it all over the Facebooks.
….Jax is interrupting me because he wants to post a message, too. Fine…
Hellloooo Ladiiies! I’m Jax. Super-single and totally neutered. Hit me up on Snapchat if you want to cruise the dog park sometime. Muah!
…..*Sigh*. The vet should check again, cause that boy is out of control. Anyway, I forget what I was ranting about, but it probably had something to do with cookies. I love cookies. Mom says I’m addicted and Grandma called me “porky”, but I don’t care. I love cookies and they love me. My favorite are the pumpkin ones from a special company that delivers my food every month. I forget what it’s called, but I can ask Mom if you want.
Until next ramble, stay faboolous.
This is the post excerpt.
It all began one snowy day in Octember, I think. I’m pretty sure it was, because the humans were hanging lights from trees and talking about Christmas. Anyway, there I was, warm and cozy with my furry mom and siblings, when the big farm lady came in and picked me up in her arms. I squirmed, but she was a big farm lady, so she won that round, and I was put into a car.
She smelled of corn nuts and jazzy jasmine deodorant. It was a long ride, especially with those horrible shrieking sounds coming from the radio. She howled along, and I buried my head in a blanket to drown out what I can only assume was some song about the mating calls of mongooses.
I wasn’t even that upset when she pulled into the vet’s parking lot, because even farm lady wouldn’t howl like that inside the office with people watching her. This part is kind of a blur, because they gave me some kind of kidnap drug, and I got very sleepy. When I woke up, there was a lot of noise, and I was in some kind of a box. Everything was moving, and I didn’t know where I was. I tried to look around but there wasn’t much light down there. I’m pretty sure I saw suitcases and at least one leopard gecko, though. I went back to sleep, and the next thing I knew, I was being pushed on a cart among all sorts of crates and things, and a lady-human was waiting for me in an office of sorts.
She was quick to open the door to my crate, and lifted me out to hold me up where she could see me better. She had black fur on her head and red stuff on her lips, and then she was crying and hugging me. That’s when I knew that this lady was the crazy. She held her phone near me a bunch of times, but I had no comment. I was sleepy from the weird trip I’d taken, and needed to pee. She carried me in one arm, the crate dangling from her other hand, then she put me on a nice, warm seat in the car. I peed on it, and crawled into her nice, dry lap to sleep some more.
After a time, we came to a house, and she took me in through the fence where she let me run around to explore for a few minutes. My first move was to waddle over to a rosebush, and take a big bite from one of the blossoms. This seemed to amuse the human, and she laughed, before picking me up to take me into the house. I will never forget the first thing I saw in there. Oliver. He’s a Lhasa Apso, too and officially became my brother that day. I was so happy to see him that I tackled him and tried to make him chase me, but he only grumbled and stomped off somewhere. I followed him, because I am not that easy to ignore, and he was gonna love me whether he liked it or not.
Human calls me “Shiloh” and gave me the middle name “Rose”. I think of myself more as a Bella or possibly Diane, but whatever. I humor her and let her call herself my mom. I’ve been home with her now for several years, and I have a grandma and grandpa human, along with several dog siblings, but we’ll get to them laters.
This is the short story of how I got here. I have lots to say, and many stories to tell, so I hope you’ll visit me sometimes. With all this time around the humans and other dogs, and of course being in business for my own furry self, I have many observations, rants and general Shiloh-ness I must share with the world.
Welcome to my little corner of the interwebs!